I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Drake has all the answers
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I need a beard to bite.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize