I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin