the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?