just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"