My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head