So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
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I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum