Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
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throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
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Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him