I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.