he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
