well I can't set my house on fire every night
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
