I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
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The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
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Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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