Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
