After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
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Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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