I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Text me some of your sweat
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
