I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
