Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
