Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
