And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
