I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
