I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
