when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
