Already got asked if we're dating
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
