She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
