I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
