Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
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ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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