after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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