When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
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They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
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Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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