Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
