His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
