She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
