i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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