told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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