were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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