he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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