she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
