oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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