Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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