We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize