It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
