We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
