I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
