Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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