there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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