This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
