Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
