i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think I died a long time ago.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
