If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
