I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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