Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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