ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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