I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
