life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
