I wish I could punch you in the face.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
