never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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