You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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