I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
