Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
