It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.