He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
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i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
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I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer