I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...