Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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