Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet