dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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