pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
