You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
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I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
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I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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