What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
