Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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